By admin 
Have you ever felt like others didn’t give you enough love? That deep down, no one really cared about you? That you had no one to count on? Sometimes we blame others for deficiencies that are actually inside us. This is the case when you suffer from emotional deprivation . You look outside, in your social relationships and often, your romantic relationships, for what you should find inside yourself.
This deficiency occurs from childhood: your need for security and attachment to others has not been met. As a result, you drag this insecurity around like a heavy ball and chain. So, how can you recognize the signs of emotional deprivation ? And above all, how can you treat it?
What is emotional deprivation? (Definition)
Emotional deprivation is a deficiency that takes root from a very young age. The child’s needs for attachment security are not met, sometimes through ignorance, sometimes through abuse. The consequences of this deficiency are felt throughout life, in the form of emotional wounds ( rejection , injustice , etc.), and influence their behavior and reactions as adults. The person will have difficulty building healthy and balanced relationships.
Am I emotionally dependent?
Do you think you are emotionally dependent? Do you feel like you are in a vicious circle? Take the test now!
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The schema of emotional deprivation is a primary schema . These schemas, inscribed in us from our childhood, are responsible for our future beliefs and actions. This is in any case what we learn from schema therapy , the fruit of the research of psychologist Jeffrey Young. An integral part of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), its approach brings together techniques:
Emotional;
Cognitive;
Behavioral;
Interpersonal.
This type of therapy puts emotions at the heart of the psychopathological assessment and the process of change undertaken. When you suffer from an emotional deficiency, you are truly unable to create reliable and stable attachment bonds . This deficiency can lead to a disinvestment in relationships or, on the contrary, plunge you into emotional dependency as a couple and toxic relationships .
Why do I feel emotionally deprived?
Emotional deprivation stems from experiences early in life. If you are experiencing emotional deprivation, it is because one of your basic needs was not met during your early years by one of your attachment figures (such as a parent), either intentionally or unintentionally. In response, you develop an early maladaptive schema .
The origins of emotional deprivation lie in the family structure and the environment in which the child was built. This can be linked to an unstable or even abusive family, but also to the coldness of one of the parents, often reproducing the pattern in which he grew up. Overly permissive parents can also create emotional deprivation: the child has gotten into the habit of constantly asking for proof of affection . The source can also lie in hypersensitivity. Certain behaviors, without being abusive, feed this pattern.
What is an early maladaptive schema?
It is the adoption of a deep belief about yourself or others, which leads you to react in a thoughtless and stereotypical way. You anticipate the behavior of others and adapt your behavior according to this belief. This is partly why you often feel like you are repeating the same patterns, the same relationships and the same mistakes, without understanding why. Your adult experiences reinforce the beliefs that have been anchored in you for years.
What are emotional deficiencies?
Still relying on Young’s schema therapy, we can distinguish three types of emotional deficiencies :
Lack of affection;
Lack of empathy;
Lack of protection.
Am I emotionally dependent?
Do you think you are emotionally dependent? Do you feel like you are in a vicious circle? Take the test now!
Take the test now
In the case of a lack of affection , you may have lacked emotional support, attention or human warmth, quite simply. For a lack of empathy , it is attentive listening and the sharing of feelings that has been lacking. In the case of a lack of protection , you have lacked a strong and reliable figure, present to guide and advise you.
How do you know if you are suffering from emotional deprivation?
To recognize an emotional deficiency and encourage awareness, there are many signs that can alert you. Think about your friendships, family, romantic or professional relationships: do you often feel like you don’t interest others? Do you tend to forget yourself and your needs in your relationships? This leads to a great feeling of emptiness and isolation, and can trigger long-repressed anger.
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Sign #1: A strong feeling of inner emptiness
Inner emptiness, spleen, sharp loneliness: this evil can take many names and different forms, but it is always difficult to live with. As if your world was covered with a layer of sad and unpleasant gray. You feel stuck in your ailments, in your suffering and the rest (activities, passions, work, relationships …) loses its interest.
Nothing really motivates you anymore. This feeling of emptiness can even lead you to addictive behaviors. To fill it, you can develop eating disorders, such as bulimia or hyperphagia. Anything to make this nothingness disappear.
Sign #2: The constant feeling of not being of interest to others
We often find the same phrases among people experiencing emotional deprivation:
“For most of my life, I haven’t had anyone who really wanted to be with me”;
“I’ve never had anyone who really listens to me and understands me”;
“No one is really sensitive to my needs.”
They all have the same underlying belief : “I don’t interest others enough, I am insignificant to them.” This belief is so deeply rooted in the system of the person with emotional deprivation that he or she constantly seeks, unconsciously, to come and confirm it.
Do you know about confirmation bias?
Instinctively, the human mind will seek out information that confirms its way of thinking as a priority. It will then neglect anything that could call it into question. This confirmation bias acts when we look at the news, but also in the way we interpret our social interactions to confirm the most deeply held beliefs about ourselves.
Sign #3: Waiting to see your emotional needs met by the other person
In the case of emotional deficiency, the human being, who has experienced the state of lack, is in constant expectation of seeing the other fulfill his emotional needs . Consequently, he often lives in disappointment, nothing is ever good enough and the slightest behavior in disagreement with this need reactivates his pain, like salt on an open wound.